Why men struggle?
The truth is that the world has changed. Along with the world has also the role of the man changed. If you cannot change with it, you are bound to lose to those who do. Or live in the few environments still sustaining old roles and compete for the shrinking pool of women who live in such environments and with similar values as well.
The past roles and models for men:
In the past the work of man and woman were defined by the need to optimize work in order to get the best possible outcome from few limited resources in order to survive. Men were more physical than women, so it was smart to opt for men to do the physically requiring work while the less physically requiring necessities like household and taking care of children were left to women. This is a hyperbole, but that is the essence anyway. This division formed solely because the physical and non-physical work both were a necessity for survival, and it was more effective for the family unit if man did more of the physical works. This optimization by division resulted in more well being and free time for both genders and thus was the correct approach for establishing the family structure.
Understanding how and why the traditional roles became to be: is key to understand what value they hold in the current world we live in.
The future is now old man:
Today the necessity to do physical work has diminished massively and instead both men and women are required to work for 8 hours a day to establishing a living. On the other hand we live in abundance where you can have a semi comfortable life without having to min-max every aspect of your life for survival. This leads to a situation where the necessary work of house keeping and childcare that used to be mostly for women, is now to be shared equally among men and women in order to maximize the free time of the whole family unit. It is true that for men the roles have had a bigger shift than to women, but that is just how the world is.
If men still live in the past and see these necessities to not be their role (or even be beneath them as work only suited for women) you have arrived at the problem. Men who refuse to do the work home, do not provide their whole expected work output for the benefit of the family unit as a whole. Leading to women doing more over all work and having less free time with men that have old fashioned values compared to men who do these works equally. Furthermore, the attitude matters, as nobody likes to work or live with a person who thinks they are above you and the necessary work you do (even if they still do it).
The hierarchy of needs
In a society where women earn their own living and society has established rules to protect them. There is no need for men in the traditional sense as a provider and protector of the family. This leads to women seeking a partner that can put work on the relationship in the higher steps of the hierarchy pyramid.
This is where emotional skills come in to play in maintaining a relationship. If men have poor emotional skills they will struggle to fulfill those higher level needs that have become a common requirement for women. Of course if a man doesn’t even fulfill the bottom of the pyramid then it’s even harder for them to find a relationship.
In conclusion:
In a world that no longer strictly follows old patterns: men suffer when they follow old roles of what a man should be without understanding where those roles come from. Most jobs that were previously seen as jobs for women, have become a job for both genders. Aspects of human nature like emotions that were seen only as feminine traits (necessary when raising children to become functional adults) are now in high demand for both genders.
When these skills like home keeping and emotional intelligence, both in relationship and in raising children, have now become basic requirements for men to master in order to provide their share of work into the family unit. It is no surprise that any attitudes that try to diminish the jobs and required emotional skills are seen as repulsive by women. Why would any woman want a man that cannot do such basic things that are needed for the benefit of the whole family?
Why men fail themselves
Comparison is the killer of fun. Some men seek very narrow beauty standards that are set by other men, rather than themselves. These men rather be unhappy and alone than seek healthy relationships even with women they’d like, only because they think their friends would not see these women as desirable. Which is quite dumb tbfh.
Of course one of the reasons for men’s despair is the gamefication of dating. It’s hard to show emotional skills and equality in house work if you can’t even get a date. There is no silver bullet to this. What helps is the basic stuff of getting in decent shape or attaining a personality that attracts women outside dating apps. I’m not extra fit or handsome, but a pro tip is if you make women laugh they’ll have their eyes closed and your looks don’t matter. It’s just pure science. Easiest thing you can do is to put effort in your online profile or your appearance when in public. Don’t be a nice guy™, as expecting something from basic decency is not a good look and not healthy behavior.
Attain self-respect and confidence, but don’t mistake those for arrogance or as a requirement to hide and deny your mistakes.