If your gender identity is based on accessories it’s not on a solid basis.
Who am I to tell you this? Here’s a list of my manly accessories just to flex in no particular weighted order.
-Voluntary Military training including “squad leader training”.
-I visit gun range semi regularly.
-550whp sports car.
-40 year old manual all mechanical daily car that I can work on myself.
-stripped to frame and rebuilt multiple motorcycles.
-Own a +100 year old single-family house that I’m renovating with help.
-Soon to be married.
-Dog owner of a really smart Welsh Corgi Cardigan.
-Basic hobby background on Fencing, Archery, Wrestling.
-I study in university and work in computer programming and IT.
-been in the top 3% in the most competitive FPS in the world.
-I drink beer but prefer rum.
-I eat meat.
-I enjoy sauna.
-I’ve written a horror short story for a writing competition.
And bunch of more stuff, but none of these makes me a man anymore than a man who has not done these or does not own these. Alpha in computer science means versions that are unstable, missing important features, filled with flaws, and not fit for the public. In this context a lot of “Alpha male gurus” tout for these things that alone mean nothing, just like being strong or rich mean nothing on their own. They might be in alpha state where they migth have the means to be a man but not actually using any of them to be one.
These accessories can be a means to an end and produce value to reach a certain goal like living a decent life, enjoying freedom or creating a feeling of safety. But they are not necessities to achieve those same goals by other means. Most of these are presented as such only to sell you something.
For example “what color is your bugatti?” is an idea of “success” and “being a man” sold by the bugatti car company. Many of these “I’m rich and I escaped the matrix” people are getting totally sweeped in the floor by these marketing dudes / gals of these companies who work basic 9-5.
So think of this when someone tries to sell you the idea of “alpha male”.
These things and ideas are sold to men to get them attention and validation from others because their image of “man” is insecure in the first place. They need accessories to support their identity and people to tell them “yes now you are something when you bought my product and gave your hard earned money and time to me”.
A lot of these things base around pushing others down and artificially lifting oneself above others. That is the opposite of the natural role of a man in the society and community. A man is strong in order to protect and provide, not to hurt. What many of these people fail to consider is that helping requires way more strength than hurting does.
This is also why so many bullies decide to hurt others to feel strong, it’s only a facade when they are actually too weak to help others. People like that rationalize taking advantage of the weak instead of helping them because they are afraid they would lose their advantage and worth if they’d be on equal ground. Hurting is easy, anyone can take a cheap shot when they see an opportunity.
People who are afraid to show weakness are in fact signaling that they are weak. When you are strong you can be vulnerable and trust, as even if trust is broken or a cheap shot is taken you can still overcome the situation. Showing emotions is not weakness, it’s human and there is no gains in being only half a human. Emotions are a reactions that have evolutionary benefits. Displaying them shows trust in other members of your group and strengthens bonds. If you cannot share your sincere emotions (in controlled respectful manner, don’t be a child) to your loved ones it’s a sign of distrust. On the other hand if they take advantage of your display of emotions they are not worth of your trust either and a sign to either for them to grow as a person or for you to move on.
Role of man has always changed along with the society men live in. Prior when resources where tight people needed to maximize the output of their work, thus the roles of man and woman were defined by physical differences in tasks that required speed or strength like working in the fields and hunting or logging. When that kind of resource priorisation is no longer needed men need to adapt to their new roles doing things that produce the best result for the family as a unit. More in detail here: https://www.lerattus.blog/why-men-struggle-in-the-dating-markets/
Everyone makes mistakes, no matter how hard you try to avoid them. Yet nothing is more manly than recognizing that you have made a mistake and then redeeming it. Humility is the way to improvement and improvement is the way to strength. One mistake usually does not bring the world down, but correcting the mistake with another mistake is what causes bigger problems:
So remember next time someone tells you that you are not a man because you lack certain accessories you know that it’s complete nonsense. Credentials are meaningless if they do not fit your situation. The definition of man comes from caring about other people around you as that is where strength is actually needed.